Can you say OVERLOAD?!!!!???!!! Wow, who would have thought that this parenting thing was so mind consuming....*laughing with all you parents reading this*
Tonight's topic was on "Permenance" either through transition back to the birth-parents through a stay in the foster care system or being placed "legally free for adoption" and eventually finding that forever family (which is what I am working towards)
Big "ah-ha" moment of the night....DID YOU KNOW THAT IT'S A FELONY TO ABUSE AN ANIMAL AND NOT A FELONY TO ABUSE A CHILD!!!!!!!!!!! What a screwed up system! With that said, most child abusers are consumed with drugs or have other "felony" offenses that go along with the child abuse. But still, I was appauled at this!!!!!!!!!!! Just wrong.....
I stayed after class to speak with the social worker for a bit. As you may know I am the only "single" person in the class. The teachings are based on co-parent households, which I don't have. I talked with her about finding me a mentor to work with and she immediately said, "I have the perfect person for you". I am looking forward to speaking with this person to ask questions to and hopefully identify with as a "single" parent.
I wrote my 2nd letter to my awaiting child tonight! I know that may sound corny but I just have so many thoughts and feelings going through my head during these classes! If you know the entertainer/musician Michael Buble, his current single is "Haven't Met You Yet". Next time it's on the radio, listen carefully to the words.....One might think it's for the future love of your life, but I think he's singing directly to me about the child that awaits!!!! It's very thought provoking!
Well, my brain is fried....going to try to sleep now!
God has a plan....God knows what I can handle....God is in control!!!! He won't give me more than I can handle and I bet he already knows of a little soul out there somewhere that he is planning a forever family with ME!!! I can't wait!
Thanks for your support and prayers! Keep 'em coming :-)
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
From June 9........
Hello all... Well I survived the first night of classes! I have to admit, I was very nervous walking in alone, but the group was very kind.
During introductions, I decided to be the "comic" of the group and make a joke about being the only single person there. Everyone chuckled and a lady even remarked that what I was doing as a single person is remarkable!
Basically class tonight was orientation and going over Objectives for the 9 week course and then talking about the 2 additional courses I will be required to take to complete the home study for adoption. I learned alot about being a foster parent tonight! I makes a person "think" about it. The goal is to re-unify children with their parents, and that is what I think would be difficult, especially if I was to have a child in my home for a year or more! An average foster placement is 16 months minimum! I'm still not convinced that is for me...My heart would have difficulty letting go and becoming attached! So all in all, I learned tonight that the goal of the class is to "place a child in a caring home for the benefit of the child" NOT "placing a child in the home for the fulfillment of the parent" Interesting thought and I agree! It was a GREAT evening, working on the small baby steps to a BIG DREAM! Thanks for taking this road with me......
During introductions, I decided to be the "comic" of the group and make a joke about being the only single person there. Everyone chuckled and a lady even remarked that what I was doing as a single person is remarkable!
Basically class tonight was orientation and going over Objectives for the 9 week course and then talking about the 2 additional courses I will be required to take to complete the home study for adoption. I learned alot about being a foster parent tonight! I makes a person "think" about it. The goal is to re-unify children with their parents, and that is what I think would be difficult, especially if I was to have a child in my home for a year or more! An average foster placement is 16 months minimum! I'm still not convinced that is for me...My heart would have difficulty letting go and becoming attached! So all in all, I learned tonight that the goal of the class is to "place a child in a caring home for the benefit of the child" NOT "placing a child in the home for the fulfillment of the parent" Interesting thought and I agree! It was a GREAT evening, working on the small baby steps to a BIG DREAM! Thanks for taking this road with me......
From June 8.......
Hello all........ Seems like forever since I sent out an email to all of you...but there hasn't been anything "newsy" to report! Tonight I start the classes at Lutheran Family Services from 6-9 pm. These will run every week for 3 weeks then we take a week off and this continues for 3 rotations! Then in August, there are 2 Saturday classes that will be required as well. After I "graduate" from these, I will have passes my home study and can start being matched with kiddo(s)! I am super excited!
I have been slowly telling more people, and it's been very rewarding to hear of all the support out there for me! It's an amazing feeling to be going through this process and working towards the ultimate goal of loving a child for a lifetime! I am not feeling anxious about this at all (which for me is amazing since patience isn't my virtue) but feel that these steps that I am taking are only preparing me (or helping me) for the ultimate joy! I'm not a very religious person but am very spiritual in my thinking and I do believe I am being led down this path by a Greater person. People have asked me if I am scared - ABSOUTELY NOT! God isn't going to give me more than I can handle! Might test my abilities but I'm up for the challenge! Prayers very much appreciated in this journey! Thank to ALL of you for your support!
I have been slowly telling more people, and it's been very rewarding to hear of all the support out there for me! It's an amazing feeling to be going through this process and working towards the ultimate goal of loving a child for a lifetime! I am not feeling anxious about this at all (which for me is amazing since patience isn't my virtue) but feel that these steps that I am taking are only preparing me (or helping me) for the ultimate joy! I'm not a very religious person but am very spiritual in my thinking and I do believe I am being led down this path by a Greater person. People have asked me if I am scared - ABSOUTELY NOT! God isn't going to give me more than I can handle! Might test my abilities but I'm up for the challenge! Prayers very much appreciated in this journey! Thank to ALL of you for your support!
From May 21........
Hello all.......... Well as I figured....I cleaned the house and lit the candles for no real reason, other than my house looks amazing and smells good! The social worker came in and sat at the dining room table and left.....no house tour!!!!!!!!! And let me just say my two 4 legged critters were very hospitable to her! Big warm greetings of course!
Today was really about paperwork and the "process" going forward. STAR classes start on June 8 and go for 3 weeks on and take a week off for June-August and then there are 2 other all day classes that I will be required to take for adoption only that will be held at the end of august or beginning of september.
New information that I did find out today that frankly shocks me! As an adoptive parent, choosing to adopt through the state of Missouri foster care program, once a child is placed in my home (after a match has been made and the 6 month waiting period begins) each pre-adoptive parent is considered a foster parent until that its official. During that time, based on the child(ren) age, a maintenance fee will be paid to the parent per month/per child, on top of all daycare is paid for and the childs healthcare is taken care of through Missouri Health Net (a form of medicaid). Once the adoption is finalized, an adoption subsidy is paid to the adoptive parent till the child is 18, which is a little bit less than the maintenance fee, but daycare allowance and health insurance is still paid for. They encourage that the child is placed on the adoptive parents insurance and then using medicaid as a secondary insurance.
Not much else to report. Will be anxious to learn and start classes in a couple of weeks. There will be 5 families and myself (6 groups total) in the class so that will be great to network with other people with my same interests in becoming a parent. Thanks again for your prayers and support! This is the FIRST of many small steps.........to a BIG reward!
Today was really about paperwork and the "process" going forward. STAR classes start on June 8 and go for 3 weeks on and take a week off for June-August and then there are 2 other all day classes that I will be required to take for adoption only that will be held at the end of august or beginning of september.
New information that I did find out today that frankly shocks me! As an adoptive parent, choosing to adopt through the state of Missouri foster care program, once a child is placed in my home (after a match has been made and the 6 month waiting period begins) each pre-adoptive parent is considered a foster parent until that its official. During that time, based on the child(ren) age, a maintenance fee will be paid to the parent per month/per child, on top of all daycare is paid for and the childs healthcare is taken care of through Missouri Health Net (a form of medicaid). Once the adoption is finalized, an adoption subsidy is paid to the adoptive parent till the child is 18, which is a little bit less than the maintenance fee, but daycare allowance and health insurance is still paid for. They encourage that the child is placed on the adoptive parents insurance and then using medicaid as a secondary insurance.
Not much else to report. Will be anxious to learn and start classes in a couple of weeks. There will be 5 families and myself (6 groups total) in the class so that will be great to network with other people with my same interests in becoming a parent. Thanks again for your prayers and support! This is the FIRST of many small steps.........to a BIG reward!
From May 20..........
Tomorrow is one of many big days! At 2 pm I have the home study with the Lutheran Family Services social worker Amanda Jones. All my paperwork is finished and will be turned in and apparently there are several more things I have to sign. So, prayers please are appreciated! House is cleaned, dogs will get a bath in the morning and I will be lighting lots of good smellin' candles! Let my house of LOVE shine through! Oh and of course there are plenty of pictures of my nieces and nephews everywhere!
From May 12....
Just a little note to say that all the immediate family is now informed of my Adoption News! The kids all were there and made me laugh with some of their comments! Parents/Brother were very supportive as I knew they would be! Emma said she wanted a girl cousin :-) Thanks so much for your kind comments today! Will let you know how the home visit goes on May 21!
From May 12....
Hello all: Today was loaded with information, some that I anticipated and some I didn't. All in all, still on the moving forward process! In a nutshell, it was a 2 hour meeting full of information.
My friend Lori, who used to work for this agency some years ago, warned me that the impression that this division of adoption would be presented in a "scary" manner due to the projected difficulty of special needs kids. In other words, she said that the SW would make it a process of adopting children from the state a difficult situation in order to weed out the people that weren't serious about what they were getting into. Lori was right! There wasn't any glamour to what she talked about today, but as we talked, the conversation changed to a more positive one meaningful, I think the SW felt that I was prepared and have thought this through and that this is the avenue I have decided to pursue.
Some questions that we discussed that I had:
Boy/vs girl: Research shows that boys raised in a single parent (mom) home are given a loving environment and that they are not deprived of not having a father in a home. Some boys are selected for single (mom) homes due to previous abuse by their father and that having a man in the home coming from foster to adoption actually is not the best interest for the child. Also, if I am to say I only am open to a girl, then obviously I am putting my chances for adopting down 50%. So that was a significant change in my thought process.
1 child/vs sibling group:
Often times there are NOT just one child in a dysfunctional family that is put into the foster care system. Many times it is a sibling group of 2 or more kids. I went into the meeting today only thinking of 1 child but there were significant reasons to rethink this. Often times in a sibling group of 3 or more children, one child is identified as being more severe in their special needs. Such as abuse, neglect, physical and emotional needs are more severe than the other 2 children. So that child is taken out of the sibling group to allow the other 2 "normal" kids to be adopted out. If the sibling group was to be adopted together, 2 children are not placed due to the 3rd child having the majority of the issues. its not a fair process but the fact! So, me adopting a single child leads to I am only going to be given opportunities of a difficult child with severe "special needs" in most cases. The SW said that if I was open to 2 children, the likelyhood of getting 2 "normal" kids with minimal if any special needs is GREATER than adopting/raising a child that is in the severe needs category. Thus, in the long run, it would be an easier situation.
Foster care:
This was discussed at length if I would be open to becoming a foster parent first. My concerns are not for the child but for me. The goal in the foster situation is to re-unify the child with the parent(s) or a next of kin relative. Foster placement is often time for 1-2 years then as a family members come forward or as the parent(s) become able, the children are then placed back with their family. I, personally, don't believe I could bond with that child(ren) and then after having them in my home for 1-2 years, just give them up. HOWEVER, there is a program that I am interested in...Respite Foster Care. In the state of MO, foster parents are given 12 days per year to take a "vacation" from their foster kids and place them in a respite situation, which may be for one night, weekend or a week. There is always a start and end date for this program. I am interested in this for a few reasons. 1. I am helping the foster family receive a break and develop relationships with the foster families that can identify that I am a good potential parent for a child they may have in their home. 2. this will give me education and experience in dealing with foster to adoption children and their dynamics of "special needs" without the committment of long term 3. This opens up to me a resource group of families in SW MO that I can ask questions to about adoption and how the state program works. I am VERY interested in the Respite program.
Moving forward:
I have my first home study on May 21 at 2 pm. The SW from the state agency Amanda will come out to the house to complete my application and to visually see my home/environment. I will then sign up for the state classes STAR program which will begin on June 8 (every tues. night from 6-9 pm) 3 weeks of classes then a week off for a total of 32 hours. At my home study, I will be given forms to fill out for background check for every state I have lived in to become qualified for Respite care provider. However, I will be licensed after the background checks come back, I am going to wait till after the classes are over in September before I begin the Respite program.
WHEW............. that was just an overview! I am still nervous that I am making the right decision, but I think from the majority of you have told me, that is normal! As normal as all this can be! I am talking with my dad and brother tonight then all the people in my life that need to know will be told! Thanks for all your love, support and prayers! This is the BEGINNING OF A VERY LONG ROAD!
My friend Lori, who used to work for this agency some years ago, warned me that the impression that this division of adoption would be presented in a "scary" manner due to the projected difficulty of special needs kids. In other words, she said that the SW would make it a process of adopting children from the state a difficult situation in order to weed out the people that weren't serious about what they were getting into. Lori was right! There wasn't any glamour to what she talked about today, but as we talked, the conversation changed to a more positive one meaningful, I think the SW felt that I was prepared and have thought this through and that this is the avenue I have decided to pursue.
Some questions that we discussed that I had:
Boy/vs girl: Research shows that boys raised in a single parent (mom) home are given a loving environment and that they are not deprived of not having a father in a home. Some boys are selected for single (mom) homes due to previous abuse by their father and that having a man in the home coming from foster to adoption actually is not the best interest for the child. Also, if I am to say I only am open to a girl, then obviously I am putting my chances for adopting down 50%. So that was a significant change in my thought process.
1 child/vs sibling group:
Often times there are NOT just one child in a dysfunctional family that is put into the foster care system. Many times it is a sibling group of 2 or more kids. I went into the meeting today only thinking of 1 child but there were significant reasons to rethink this. Often times in a sibling group of 3 or more children, one child is identified as being more severe in their special needs. Such as abuse, neglect, physical and emotional needs are more severe than the other 2 children. So that child is taken out of the sibling group to allow the other 2 "normal" kids to be adopted out. If the sibling group was to be adopted together, 2 children are not placed due to the 3rd child having the majority of the issues. its not a fair process but the fact! So, me adopting a single child leads to I am only going to be given opportunities of a difficult child with severe "special needs" in most cases. The SW said that if I was open to 2 children, the likelyhood of getting 2 "normal" kids with minimal if any special needs is GREATER than adopting/raising a child that is in the severe needs category. Thus, in the long run, it would be an easier situation.
Foster care:
This was discussed at length if I would be open to becoming a foster parent first. My concerns are not for the child but for me. The goal in the foster situation is to re-unify the child with the parent(s) or a next of kin relative. Foster placement is often time for 1-2 years then as a family members come forward or as the parent(s) become able, the children are then placed back with their family. I, personally, don't believe I could bond with that child(ren) and then after having them in my home for 1-2 years, just give them up. HOWEVER, there is a program that I am interested in...Respite Foster Care. In the state of MO, foster parents are given 12 days per year to take a "vacation" from their foster kids and place them in a respite situation, which may be for one night, weekend or a week. There is always a start and end date for this program. I am interested in this for a few reasons. 1. I am helping the foster family receive a break and develop relationships with the foster families that can identify that I am a good potential parent for a child they may have in their home. 2. this will give me education and experience in dealing with foster to adoption children and their dynamics of "special needs" without the committment of long term 3. This opens up to me a resource group of families in SW MO that I can ask questions to about adoption and how the state program works. I am VERY interested in the Respite program.
Moving forward:
I have my first home study on May 21 at 2 pm. The SW from the state agency Amanda will come out to the house to complete my application and to visually see my home/environment. I will then sign up for the state classes STAR program which will begin on June 8 (every tues. night from 6-9 pm) 3 weeks of classes then a week off for a total of 32 hours. At my home study, I will be given forms to fill out for background check for every state I have lived in to become qualified for Respite care provider. However, I will be licensed after the background checks come back, I am going to wait till after the classes are over in September before I begin the Respite program.
WHEW............. that was just an overview! I am still nervous that I am making the right decision, but I think from the majority of you have told me, that is normal! As normal as all this can be! I am talking with my dad and brother tonight then all the people in my life that need to know will be told! Thanks for all your love, support and prayers! This is the BEGINNING OF A VERY LONG ROAD!
From May 11...
Hello.... Just a little note to say that my appointment with Lutheran Family Services at 8:30 tomorrow morning. I am meeting with the State adoption program social workers to ask questions and complete my profile/information that I have ready to turn in. I got a packet of TONS of paperwork to fill out last week about myself, family history, my wishes for a child and my expectations of a child (basically discussing what I am prepared to handle such as emotional/behavioral issues, disease, race. etc) In other words, it was a lot of paperwork! So we will see what tomorrow brings.
I have had so many of you say such supportive words of encouragement and I appreciate it so much! I have no expectations of this being a quick thing and if you know me well enough, patience isn't something that I do well with. But I know that this is worth the wait! God has a plan for me and has a plan for a child out there that needs a mom! He will put us together!
I have had so many of you say such supportive words of encouragement and I appreciate it so much! I have no expectations of this being a quick thing and if you know me well enough, patience isn't something that I do well with. But I know that this is worth the wait! God has a plan for me and has a plan for a child out there that needs a mom! He will put us together!
From April 30, 2010
To save repeating the message over and over....here's the details! First of all I am pleasantly surprised with my findings today and came out with options!
Lutheran Family Childrens Services is a non-profit, christian based adoption/foster agency in Springfield which also serves families in St Louis, KC, Columbia and Cape Girardeau. The social worker that I met with today was very informative and handles only the domestic agency adoptions. There are 2 other SW that cover state adoptions and international adoptions.
Basically I found out the following: 3 types of adoptions:
1. Domestic: usually means infants at birth. Because I am single, my option would not include healthy white babies. I am not eligible for this "pool" of adoptive parents, I am only eligible for multi-racial babies. Which is a smaller pool of adoptive parents and have an increased chance of receiving a child but probably from another part of the state such as St Louis. Cost is based on income and my range is $12-13,000 which is paid in stages. $1500 for a home study (1st phase-3 month process) then the first 1/3 of the remainder of the cost when my name goes in the pool and then the final 2/3 when placement is made. All is non-refundable. Waiting time is hard to tell. there were 22 placements last year from the Springfield office and 1/2 were for the non-caucasian group. Birth parents/mother are the ones that choose the adoptive parents from case studies they are given.
2. International - works with agencies across the world. Basically you pick the countrie(s) you are interested in and see what their requirements are for single family adoptions. Fees vary and it usually is quicker to get placement, however in some countries you have to go to the country to "live" for up to 3 weeks before placement. agency places the match for the adoptive parent/child.
3. State - this is the one I was most mis-informed about and what I came out of the meeting with the most promise. First of all there are ZERO fees. The children that are available are free of parents and the state matches the adoptive family up with the child through a long process of classes that are required as well as what the adoptive families are interested in. What I learned is that not all these children have "needs" such as physical impairments. Because of the situation, they have been removed from their home life for emotional, environmental, physical or abusive reasons. but not all of them are severe. there are no limitation for being single and adopting through the state. and not all children are bi-racial, however that is the majority. As of right now, the state is not accepting any more applications for children 0-4. I went in saying that I wanted a child 5 and under so that still allows me to be eligible for a 5-6 year old, which I am fine with. The process is often times shorter for placement. In order to be considered, one must take 2 classes the first being the STAR class. this actually begins June 8 and its for 3 hours every tuesday night for a total of 32 hours. Then there is another class for 2 saturdays that follows that. So the timing is perfect!
What did I come out of this with? I kinda felt guilty because I am able to have a child, but I am chosing to go through adoption, so am I taking away an opportunity for an infertile family. She said ABSOLUTELY NOT. Because I am single, I am not "eligible" for a white infant and that is where the majority of the infertile couples in springfield want. The bi-racial pool of adoptive parents are made up of families with 2 or more children and that are interested in adding another to their home and single parent adoptions. So I was relieved.
Next step: I am going to call Amanda on Monday and schedule a time to meet with her about state adoptions! we will see where this leads! I put on my facebook this morning.....TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!" I think that is fitting for this situation!
Thanks for your support!
Lutheran Family Childrens Services is a non-profit, christian based adoption/foster agency in Springfield which also serves families in St Louis, KC, Columbia and Cape Girardeau. The social worker that I met with today was very informative and handles only the domestic agency adoptions. There are 2 other SW that cover state adoptions and international adoptions.
Basically I found out the following: 3 types of adoptions:
1. Domestic: usually means infants at birth. Because I am single, my option would not include healthy white babies. I am not eligible for this "pool" of adoptive parents, I am only eligible for multi-racial babies. Which is a smaller pool of adoptive parents and have an increased chance of receiving a child but probably from another part of the state such as St Louis. Cost is based on income and my range is $12-13,000 which is paid in stages. $1500 for a home study (1st phase-3 month process) then the first 1/3 of the remainder of the cost when my name goes in the pool and then the final 2/3 when placement is made. All is non-refundable. Waiting time is hard to tell. there were 22 placements last year from the Springfield office and 1/2 were for the non-caucasian group. Birth parents/mother are the ones that choose the adoptive parents from case studies they are given.
2. International - works with agencies across the world. Basically you pick the countrie(s) you are interested in and see what their requirements are for single family adoptions. Fees vary and it usually is quicker to get placement, however in some countries you have to go to the country to "live" for up to 3 weeks before placement. agency places the match for the adoptive parent/child.
3. State - this is the one I was most mis-informed about and what I came out of the meeting with the most promise. First of all there are ZERO fees. The children that are available are free of parents and the state matches the adoptive family up with the child through a long process of classes that are required as well as what the adoptive families are interested in. What I learned is that not all these children have "needs" such as physical impairments. Because of the situation, they have been removed from their home life for emotional, environmental, physical or abusive reasons. but not all of them are severe. there are no limitation for being single and adopting through the state. and not all children are bi-racial, however that is the majority. As of right now, the state is not accepting any more applications for children 0-4. I went in saying that I wanted a child 5 and under so that still allows me to be eligible for a 5-6 year old, which I am fine with. The process is often times shorter for placement. In order to be considered, one must take 2 classes the first being the STAR class. this actually begins June 8 and its for 3 hours every tuesday night for a total of 32 hours. Then there is another class for 2 saturdays that follows that. So the timing is perfect!
What did I come out of this with? I kinda felt guilty because I am able to have a child, but I am chosing to go through adoption, so am I taking away an opportunity for an infertile family. She said ABSOLUTELY NOT. Because I am single, I am not "eligible" for a white infant and that is where the majority of the infertile couples in springfield want. The bi-racial pool of adoptive parents are made up of families with 2 or more children and that are interested in adding another to their home and single parent adoptions. So I was relieved.
Next step: I am going to call Amanda on Monday and schedule a time to meet with her about state adoptions! we will see where this leads! I put on my facebook this morning.....TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!" I think that is fitting for this situation!
Thanks for your support!
Thank you for joining my journey........
A very dear friend encouraged me to start a blog for my adoption journey! GREAT idea..... Most of you that have children have done a baby book, well this is my version. I can't wait for the day that a child calls me "mom" and moreover, I can't wait to tell you about it.
There are many of you that have followed me on this journey from the beginning but for those of you that may be just joining me, I have posted all my previous emails that have been sent out and you can catch up on the exciting news.
Thanks again to ALL of your for your love, support and encouraging words. I can say that I am truly blessed to have YOU in my life. If I ever forget to tell you, please know that I love you all with all my being!
So now, I will start "re-posting" those emails and let the Journey Begin.......................... ;-)
There are many of you that have followed me on this journey from the beginning but for those of you that may be just joining me, I have posted all my previous emails that have been sent out and you can catch up on the exciting news.
Thanks again to ALL of your for your love, support and encouraging words. I can say that I am truly blessed to have YOU in my life. If I ever forget to tell you, please know that I love you all with all my being!
So now, I will start "re-posting" those emails and let the Journey Begin.......................... ;-)
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