Hello all: Today was loaded with information, some that I anticipated and some I didn't. All in all, still on the moving forward process! In a nutshell, it was a 2 hour meeting full of information.
My friend Lori, who used to work for this agency some years ago, warned me that the impression that this division of adoption would be presented in a "scary" manner due to the projected difficulty of special needs kids. In other words, she said that the SW would make it a process of adopting children from the state a difficult situation in order to weed out the people that weren't serious about what they were getting into. Lori was right! There wasn't any glamour to what she talked about today, but as we talked, the conversation changed to a more positive one meaningful, I think the SW felt that I was prepared and have thought this through and that this is the avenue I have decided to pursue.
Some questions that we discussed that I had:
Boy/vs girl: Research shows that boys raised in a single parent (mom) home are given a loving environment and that they are not deprived of not having a father in a home. Some boys are selected for single (mom) homes due to previous abuse by their father and that having a man in the home coming from foster to adoption actually is not the best interest for the child. Also, if I am to say I only am open to a girl, then obviously I am putting my chances for adopting down 50%. So that was a significant change in my thought process.
1 child/vs sibling group:
Often times there are NOT just one child in a dysfunctional family that is put into the foster care system. Many times it is a sibling group of 2 or more kids. I went into the meeting today only thinking of 1 child but there were significant reasons to rethink this. Often times in a sibling group of 3 or more children, one child is identified as being more severe in their special needs. Such as abuse, neglect, physical and emotional needs are more severe than the other 2 children. So that child is taken out of the sibling group to allow the other 2 "normal" kids to be adopted out. If the sibling group was to be adopted together, 2 children are not placed due to the 3rd child having the majority of the issues. its not a fair process but the fact! So, me adopting a single child leads to I am only going to be given opportunities of a difficult child with severe "special needs" in most cases. The SW said that if I was open to 2 children, the likelyhood of getting 2 "normal" kids with minimal if any special needs is GREATER than adopting/raising a child that is in the severe needs category. Thus, in the long run, it would be an easier situation.
Foster care:
This was discussed at length if I would be open to becoming a foster parent first. My concerns are not for the child but for me. The goal in the foster situation is to re-unify the child with the parent(s) or a next of kin relative. Foster placement is often time for 1-2 years then as a family members come forward or as the parent(s) become able, the children are then placed back with their family. I, personally, don't believe I could bond with that child(ren) and then after having them in my home for 1-2 years, just give them up. HOWEVER, there is a program that I am interested in...Respite Foster Care. In the state of MO, foster parents are given 12 days per year to take a "vacation" from their foster kids and place them in a respite situation, which may be for one night, weekend or a week. There is always a start and end date for this program. I am interested in this for a few reasons. 1. I am helping the foster family receive a break and develop relationships with the foster families that can identify that I am a good potential parent for a child they may have in their home. 2. this will give me education and experience in dealing with foster to adoption children and their dynamics of "special needs" without the committment of long term 3. This opens up to me a resource group of families in SW MO that I can ask questions to about adoption and how the state program works. I am VERY interested in the Respite program.
Moving forward:
I have my first home study on May 21 at 2 pm. The SW from the state agency Amanda will come out to the house to complete my application and to visually see my home/environment. I will then sign up for the state classes STAR program which will begin on June 8 (every tues. night from 6-9 pm) 3 weeks of classes then a week off for a total of 32 hours. At my home study, I will be given forms to fill out for background check for every state I have lived in to become qualified for Respite care provider. However, I will be licensed after the background checks come back, I am going to wait till after the classes are over in September before I begin the Respite program.
WHEW............. that was just an overview! I am still nervous that I am making the right decision, but I think from the majority of you have told me, that is normal! As normal as all this can be! I am talking with my dad and brother tonight then all the people in my life that need to know will be told! Thanks for all your love, support and prayers! This is the BEGINNING OF A VERY LONG ROAD!
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